i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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