she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
