My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
pray to the hookup gods
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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