you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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