I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
