u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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