If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
