just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
