About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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