i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
