Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's the barista slut.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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