Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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