I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it penis luge time yet?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
