Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
