Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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