he was CRYING into my vagina
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
They have beer where we have blood.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
