Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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