I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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