I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
