maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
