Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
