I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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