saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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