Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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