he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The ass gains better be worth it
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