im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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