you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
