Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
