Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
