Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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