guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just want to make out with him forever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
