youre lurking in front of me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
