i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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