Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
