For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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