it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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