Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
