Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
