You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
