I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
