i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
