i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
