yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
