I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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