but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
