I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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