she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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