At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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