she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
