i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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