Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
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I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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