Fine. I'll sleep in my office
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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