you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
