I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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