you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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