Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
