If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
