She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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