dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
