I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
