i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
