if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They took my balls.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
