when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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