I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
