my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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