After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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