the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough