I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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