well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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