If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize