A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
