i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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