Little spoons don't ask big questions
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
