you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
