I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
