I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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